Children returning to school, work demands escalating, and *whispers* the very faint sound of jingle bells. It’s easy to find ourselves overextended—emotionally, mentally, and physically. But how often do we consider the cost of saying “yes” too often – especially at this time of year?
An emotional overdraft refers to the toll on leaders when they subsidise their business success at the expense of their physical or mental wellbeing. It’s a state many leaders find themselves in, often without realising it, as they take on too much and spread themselves too thin.
Just as a financial overdraft can lead to debt, an emotional overdraft can lead to burnout. The more you dip into this overdraft, the less resilient you become, leaving you vulnerable to stress, anxiety, and even health issues. But, unlike financial debt, an emotional overdraft doesn’t come with a clear statement of account. The warning signs—fatigue, irritability, a sense of overwhelm—are often ignored until it’s too late.
The Power of Boundaries
Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability and boundaries provides an insightful perspective on managing your emotional overdraft. In one of her articles, she discusses the importance of daring to set boundaries and choosing discomfort over resentment. The act of saying “no” when you feel overburdened or underappreciated is an essential skill in maintaining your emotional balance.
Brown even created a physical reminder for herself—a silver ring she spins while repeating the mantra, “choose discomfort over resentment.” A simple act, but one that serves as a powerful tool for maintaining emotional wellbeing.
Setting boundaries is about self-respect and self-care. It’s about recognising that your time and energy are finite resources that must be managed carefully, just like your finances. When you say “no” to things that overextend you, you are, in effect, saying “yes” to your mental and physical health.
Avoiding the Emotional Overdraft Trap
For many leaders, the urge to please everyone – or the inability to trust them – can lead to chronic overextension. The societal expectation to be the perfect mother, father, partner, friend, and colleague often results in an internal chorus of shame and guilt when boundaries are set. But as Brené Brown points out, daring to set boundaries is an act of courage that allows you to love yourself enough to risk disappointing others.
To prevent emotional overdraft, it’s crucial to identify and understand the drivers that push you into overextension. Is it the belief that you must do everything yourself to succeed? Is it a fear of being seen as weak or incapable? By recognising these drivers, you can begin to change the behaviours that lead to emotional overdraft.
Practical Steps to Rebalance
Create a Mantra: Like Brené Brown, develop a personal mantra that reminds you to choose your wellbeing over people-pleasing. It could be as simple as “My wellbeing matters” or “No is a complete sentence.”
Journal Your Resentments: Keep a resentment journal to track when and why you feel overextended. This will help you identify patterns and triggers, enabling you to set better boundaries in the future.
Rehearse Saying No: Practise saying phrases like “I can’t take that on” or “My plate is full.” The more you rehearse, the easier it will become to assert your boundaries in real-time situations.
Recognise the Signs: Pay attention to the signs of emotional overdraft—fatigue, irritability, and a sense of overwhelm. When these symptoms arise, it’s time to reassess your commitments and make necessary adjustments.
Build Awareness: Awareness is the first step in managing your emotional overdraft. Understanding what triggers your overdraft and when it’s most likely to occur allows you to plan and set boundaries proactively.
Good luck!
Andy.
